8.36 PM, 30th Nov, Sunday
For the past 50 hours every news channel has been having the same 'Breaking News'. Now since the counter-terrorist operations are over, they are going to have another type of 'breaking news', only these will be heart breaking ones. The stories of people, real people, who lost their loved ones in this tragedy only to make up statistics. As Barkha Dutt put it "these are sons, fathers wives, real human beings, not just body count". As each one retells his story, there is no way a person is not affected. But what affects you further is the absolute inhuman mindset of politicians. Using such a situation as a vote gaining tactic is absolutely despicable. And blaming each other when the country is supposed to stand united! When will these men learn?
Another very different effect of this war situation is the fear growing in every one's mind. Apart from a few people boasting of a farce 'Bombay spirit', I am still scared. For the first time I have seen a Virar bound train so empty. For any visitor, the packed, airtight, claustrophobic Virar trains is a scary sight. But for a mumbaikar, nothing is scarier than an empty Virar train. It is then when you know something is really wrong with the city.
While sitting inside the train on the way to classes, I was always on the lookout. The constant thought running through my mind was what if someone started firing at the next station? After crossing every station, I used to breathe a sigh of relief. I get to live another few minutes! The strategy of what to do if something like that happened was constantly going on in my mind and improvisations were made to the plan with each passing minute. Only when I set foot back at home, I felt a pseudo sense of relief. But as Pranoy Roy said "What is this massacre going to create? A whole lot of scared, mistrusting individuals who will end up doubting every other person commuting beside him? An environment of hatred? Or will it create an environment of unity? With everyone standing together to fight- fight against terror!"
There is definitely fear in my mind and anger, not against other individuals and other religions but against the act itself for state of mind it can bring even a sane person to when faced with such gruesome circumstances.
Friday, November 28, 2008
Terror- Part II- Memories
I read this post by one of my favourite bloggers http://jikku.blogspot.com/2008/11/remembering-mumbai.html and it brought tears in my eyes. Not only does every visitor have stories to tell about this mega city but every mumbaikar has memories about every part of this city.
Some of my favourite memories of that part of the city I am not even sure remains the same anymore :
* Long walks along Marine drive with A, it being our favourite place as it was the first we went to after acknowledging our relationship!
*Waiting at chowpaty for almost 2 hours for N and making him apologise several hundred times for being so late!
*Walking along the gateway of India promenade opposite TAJ acting tourist guide to cousins from chennai. Then guiltily admitting that this visit to Gateway is only my third in 10 years .
*Lustily looking at TAJ and promising myself to be able afford a suite in the heritage wing one day!
* Dying to go to Leopold's after reading Shantaram and finally going to churchgate with the intention of going there and ending up at sports bar instead!
*Watching Rang De Basanti for the third time in a week at EROS with R (I can never forget his hairstyle or lack of it because of not cutting his hair for more than 3 months on ship!).
*Always getting lost on my way to Regal Cinema (still dont know the way!)
*Eating the most delicious pizza I've ever tasted at Not just Jazz by the bay after a girl's night out watching the play 'Vagina monologues'
*The frantic taxi ride between Churchgate and CST with A in a futile attempt to catch a train
*The cheese fondue at Relish at O's birthday party and watching his expression tranform to sheer anguish looking at the bill!
*Multiple trips to Mumbai University for the same work!
*My first night view of Queen's Necklace with my closest friends!
*Promising myself everytime I am in town to come there more often!
Wish I could have done so much more.. wishing these terror attacks wasn't the reason I was writing this!
Thursday, November 27, 2008
Terror...
8.27 PM, Thursday, 27th Nov
I begin writing this blog tackling a plethora of emotions. I am angry, sad, bewildered, shaken, and completely helpless. My feeling from wanting to do something to stop this absolute insanity has degraded to whom to blame for the attack!!
There are people, many, many people wanting to do something, ANYTHING about this.. but u know what?? No one can! We have become mute spectators to these retards taking complete control of our lives! And we are left dealing with just sadness and helplessness and anger! All because we are just normal mortals, 'Common Man'!!!!
Right now I cant even figure out whom to blame for putting our lives in this constant peril?
When the question is 'Who to blame for such mass destruction?' The terrorists obviously...
But who to blame for our lives not having any worth? For not having the basic security and safety a country should? What about men who are supposed to keep us safe? The ATS, police, army, navy, somebody! They are supposed to stop such fanatics from causing absolute massacre. And to see this executive system come down to its knees in the face of this crisis is disheartening to say the least!
The government 'condemning the act' is a mockery of the situation. When these derailed individuals exploded america, they got up and bombed afghanistan. I don't approve one bit of that afghanistan war nor the action america took of acting world police, again! But as much as you see Osama threatening, you dont see a 9/11 happening again, do you?
Or is it really us, the people, responsible for letting our lives become worthless. For being silent.. for accepting horrible terror strikes to be a part of life! I have seen many times when we turn the other way thanking that we were not in that situation. I don't doubt the integrity of our concern for others. But as Indians, we are very passive people, wanting someone else to do the dirty job, thinking someone else definitely would! But no one is going to.
Which brings me back to where I started... even if we are prepared to do all, what can be done? When can we stop being helpless?
I need an answer! I need a way!
I begin writing this blog tackling a plethora of emotions. I am angry, sad, bewildered, shaken, and completely helpless. My feeling from wanting to do something to stop this absolute insanity has degraded to whom to blame for the attack!!
There are people, many, many people wanting to do something, ANYTHING about this.. but u know what?? No one can! We have become mute spectators to these retards taking complete control of our lives! And we are left dealing with just sadness and helplessness and anger! All because we are just normal mortals, 'Common Man'!!!!
Right now I cant even figure out whom to blame for putting our lives in this constant peril?
When the question is 'Who to blame for such mass destruction?' The terrorists obviously...
But who to blame for our lives not having any worth? For not having the basic security and safety a country should? What about men who are supposed to keep us safe? The ATS, police, army, navy, somebody! They are supposed to stop such fanatics from causing absolute massacre. And to see this executive system come down to its knees in the face of this crisis is disheartening to say the least!
The government 'condemning the act' is a mockery of the situation. When these derailed individuals exploded america, they got up and bombed afghanistan. I don't approve one bit of that afghanistan war nor the action america took of acting world police, again! But as much as you see Osama threatening, you dont see a 9/11 happening again, do you?
Or is it really us, the people, responsible for letting our lives become worthless. For being silent.. for accepting horrible terror strikes to be a part of life! I have seen many times when we turn the other way thanking that we were not in that situation. I don't doubt the integrity of our concern for others. But as Indians, we are very passive people, wanting someone else to do the dirty job, thinking someone else definitely would! But no one is going to.
Which brings me back to where I started... even if we are prepared to do all, what can be done? When can we stop being helpless?
I need an answer! I need a way!
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
And so the grinding begins again!
11.59 PM, Wednesday, 26th Nov
After numbing my fingers (typing out all the applications/SOPs) and breaking my back (running to the couriers and pleading last minute delivery) by this time of last year, I thought the process of US university application was finally over. But like all things with me, He and of course the US Universities had other plans in mind. With a 1460 GRE score, I thought admissions shouldnt be too much of a worry. But my 3 years B.Sc degree with only 1 year M.Sc didnt fulfill the necessary standard and I didnt get through. One university allowed me to defer my offer for 2009 but that was not on my top priority list. But even that asked me to type a new SOP and resume, if not fill a completely new application form as the others did.
Thinking so hard about false stuff about yourself and writing it so well that it doesnt sound fake is a daunting task to do even once. Imagine I have to do that same thing twice. And since I have submitted the previous SOP of which they have a copy, I cant even lift matter from that to add on to my new one. It has to be completely different!!!
So here I am again, this time of the year, numbing my fingers and breaking my back to make it to the 'elite' class of US returns!
After numbing my fingers (typing out all the applications/SOPs) and breaking my back (running to the couriers and pleading last minute delivery) by this time of last year, I thought the process of US university application was finally over. But like all things with me, He and of course the US Universities had other plans in mind. With a 1460 GRE score, I thought admissions shouldnt be too much of a worry. But my 3 years B.Sc degree with only 1 year M.Sc didnt fulfill the necessary standard and I didnt get through. One university allowed me to defer my offer for 2009 but that was not on my top priority list. But even that asked me to type a new SOP and resume, if not fill a completely new application form as the others did.
Thinking so hard about false stuff about yourself and writing it so well that it doesnt sound fake is a daunting task to do even once. Imagine I have to do that same thing twice. And since I have submitted the previous SOP of which they have a copy, I cant even lift matter from that to add on to my new one. It has to be completely different!!!
So here I am again, this time of the year, numbing my fingers and breaking my back to make it to the 'elite' class of US returns!
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
I dream...
I dream of friendship, forever friendship
I dream of understanding, undying understanding
I dream of laughter, lasting laughter
I dream of comfort, cuddly comfort
I dream of security, sturdy security
I dream of challenges, crazy challenges
I dream of romance, rejuvenating romance
I dream of compatibility, complete compatibility
I dream of adventure, amazing adventure
I dream of a companion, a constant companion
I dream of love,
forever, undying, lasting, cuddly, sturdy, crazy, rejuvenating, complete, amazing, constant love
I dream of life, a fulfilled life!
I dream of understanding, undying understanding
I dream of laughter, lasting laughter
I dream of comfort, cuddly comfort
I dream of security, sturdy security
I dream of challenges, crazy challenges
I dream of romance, rejuvenating romance
I dream of compatibility, complete compatibility
I dream of adventure, amazing adventure
I dream of a companion, a constant companion
I dream of love,
forever, undying, lasting, cuddly, sturdy, crazy, rejuvenating, complete, amazing, constant love
I dream of life, a fulfilled life!
Monday, November 24, 2008
Closure!
11.35 PM, 24th Nov, Monday
There are times when you absolutely dread certain forced meetings lest you wake up the peacefully sleeping ghosts. I recently came across such a time when I had to attend the marriage of mine and A's friend. The only difference was that my ghosts were not yet at rest.. they were in the pre-sleep cranky period.
Words fall short to describe the pre-meeting trepidation. But lack of sleep the previous night gives an indication to the unrest. Thankfully teaching kept me busy that morning and I was to meet him in the afternoon. Without being able to make up for lost sleep even at noon, I dragged myself to andheri station dressed in my finest (after all it helps your confidence when u look so good ;) ).
After a barely audible 'hello' , we sat in the train for a 40 min journey to churchgate. And that forty mins unwound us enough to begin casual fair weather talk. We were the first ones to arrive at the scheduled place... not even the groom had come! We reached there, with a no-hostility agreement.
The baaraat started and so did the good times- dancing, drums beating into your ears, fire crackers clogging your nose and fogging your eyes, basically making you lose all senses possible. But that helped in losing a lot of discomfort too. And by the time the baaraat reached the mandap, A and me were almost like two people who dont mind hanging around with one another.
With tired legs and no seat, a bunch of us went and sat at the reception area and conversations flowed, except that I didnt talk. Somehow, like those lost times, A sensed my silence and so we went for a walk. The setting was perfect for a heart to heart. Sea-side, wet grass, soft music. (It was a wonder how they found such a paradise for a reception in BOMBAY!!!)
We talked about the past, about the present and thankfully not about the future. We cleared out grudges and regrets. And by the end of the conversation, I felt relieved, relaxed, rejuvinated. I felt free. After that and a vodka, the party livened up for me and I ended having a great time. I interacted with people I had lost touch with and made the typical promises of keeping in touch! I shared many a laughs (quite a few on me) with these wonderful people. And in the end, I was actually sad to return.
After dropping me off like a gentleman, he left. I knew I wouldnt be calling him up regularly and I knew neither would he. I knew we will not be seeing each other for a really long time, atleast till the next common friend's wedding. But I did know for sure that our next meeting would be a pleasant one, and I would dare to say, a beautiful one.
For life is too short to dislike people so nice.
There are times when you absolutely dread certain forced meetings lest you wake up the peacefully sleeping ghosts. I recently came across such a time when I had to attend the marriage of mine and A's friend. The only difference was that my ghosts were not yet at rest.. they were in the pre-sleep cranky period.
Words fall short to describe the pre-meeting trepidation. But lack of sleep the previous night gives an indication to the unrest. Thankfully teaching kept me busy that morning and I was to meet him in the afternoon. Without being able to make up for lost sleep even at noon, I dragged myself to andheri station dressed in my finest (after all it helps your confidence when u look so good ;) ).
After a barely audible 'hello' , we sat in the train for a 40 min journey to churchgate. And that forty mins unwound us enough to begin casual fair weather talk. We were the first ones to arrive at the scheduled place... not even the groom had come! We reached there, with a no-hostility agreement.
The baaraat started and so did the good times- dancing, drums beating into your ears, fire crackers clogging your nose and fogging your eyes, basically making you lose all senses possible. But that helped in losing a lot of discomfort too. And by the time the baaraat reached the mandap, A and me were almost like two people who dont mind hanging around with one another.
With tired legs and no seat, a bunch of us went and sat at the reception area and conversations flowed, except that I didnt talk. Somehow, like those lost times, A sensed my silence and so we went for a walk. The setting was perfect for a heart to heart. Sea-side, wet grass, soft music. (It was a wonder how they found such a paradise for a reception in BOMBAY!!!)
We talked about the past, about the present and thankfully not about the future. We cleared out grudges and regrets. And by the end of the conversation, I felt relieved, relaxed, rejuvinated. I felt free. After that and a vodka, the party livened up for me and I ended having a great time. I interacted with people I had lost touch with and made the typical promises of keeping in touch! I shared many a laughs (quite a few on me) with these wonderful people. And in the end, I was actually sad to return.
After dropping me off like a gentleman, he left. I knew I wouldnt be calling him up regularly and I knew neither would he. I knew we will not be seeing each other for a really long time, atleast till the next common friend's wedding. But I did know for sure that our next meeting would be a pleasant one, and I would dare to say, a beautiful one.
For life is too short to dislike people so nice.
Saturday, November 22, 2008
Upward
1.35 AM, sunday, 23rd november...
After an extremely futile day completed by utter waste of time, I sit on the internet to do what I have been doing for the past few weeks- waste some more time!
I come across my friend's blog and it is about someone's death. That blog and that moment jolts me, shakes me up! And I finally begin blogging! :) I mean it just wakes me up to reality of the world of blogs and the beautiful way it helps you to get rid of all day's frustrations and to imprint forever the other beautiful moments filled with joy. :P
But on a more serious note, it really does make me think about how many things we take for granted, most important being our time. I realise then that I was never this way- so lifeless, so dull and so 'always bored'. With this blog I decide to buck up, smile and move on, on to an upward path leaving behind past hurt, rejection and boredom. To begin things new- with renewed energy, extreme enthusiasm and my signature smile!
Can't wait to begin this new journey all the way to the peak of Love, Laughter and Life!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
