Whoa!!! Unexpected realization!

I just saw photos put up by N on Fb. It was the engagement pics of Amu's sister. All of them were there attending the wedding, all decked up, all so happy! I was elated seeing the pics and I actually felt a part of the festivities.

And then after going o'er the pics numerous times- I stopped- wondered what got on to me to actually keep looking at the same ones so many many times?? I realised then I was trying to live the celebrations through the photographs. Thats when it hit me- I was missing these idiots of my life so much!

If I would've been there, I would've also enjoyed everything from the Mehendi function to the marriage to the reception and the numerous in between arbit bakwass! But then I am here, sitting in lab, in between experiments and missing everything!

Life here didn't seem bad at all, in fact I was (I still am) sooper enjoying it. But the feeling of being home and enjoying these moments with the people you've literally grown up with is so very different. And for the first time after coming to the US, homesickness has hit me.

I wasn't consumed by it for so long, partly because of the nice set of people and the fun times I have here but mostly because of lack of realization of what I was missing back home! And this realization dawned on me when I saw those photographs sans me!

It was taken for granted that whatever photos were posted by N on FB, if it included my group of buddies, I would also be there, standing, grinning so happily to be a part of such an awesome set of people! And this time, I was left searching for the small little me amidst those photos!

Hmmmmmm, whattado! So I go back to my experiment and try to find littly joys in my proteins! :)

Pre-exam bull***t

I post as Kaleidoscope and I realized I haven't really lived up to the name. I don't post on diverse topics and the different colours of life. I haven't written about Obama winning the Nobel, or about the newest film. But then, I post only when something inspires me enough to ramble about it. And maybe nothing has impressed me lately- not even the Nobel decision. I didnt care either way somehow. I should! Wow this is too much apathy! And I will change that. But maybe from the next post!

Anyhow- getting back to me point-Small things over here make me smile and other small things make me cringe... but then.. nothing has yet made me sit up and take notice (ok ok - I can't honestly say 'nothing' ;); one has certainly impressed me enough to want to write; but more about that in another post; when control over my social sensibility has gone for a toss).

And nothing seems to be making me wake up from this unending day dream. For me life here seems like a surreal experience. I get this psychedelic feeling that this is not me but someone else living my life here.

Everyone warned me so many times before coming here that I was going to be home sick and I was going to cry for days on end; I haven't got myself to resign to that fact that its been two months and I haven't felt like crying. I haven't really felt homesick. I have accepted this new life style readily. I come to my apartment and I feel a sense of belonging- like I was almost meant to be there. I wonder if I have really acknowledged this place and the how different it is from home. Because according to everyone's words, the moment that realization would have hit me, I would have been inconsolable. And I am not!

And so I end up feeling day after day the constant pressure that the realization of this not being 'home' would dawn on me. Its like sitting on a time bomb waiting to go boom. It feels weird and it feels weirder to write all this and still not arouse that feeling of 'Oh! Where have I ended up'. But its not bad not to feel that way as long as life remains the same - filled with laughter.

I have noticed one little thing though- I write so much on a blank screen only a day before my exam. And I keep pushing away my books to feed the need for writing mindless rubbish! So, like usual, I shall dismiss these words as psycho babble arising out of nothing but pure inertia of not wanting to study!

Guys are slow- We are obviously a superior race! :)

Courtesy- Faddu's friend! Maybe this statement was copyrighted (As it deserves to be); but I couldn't risk the world not reading it. And when I compared- getting sued for infringement of copyright seemed nothing! :)

Biting my tongue

This post is just to take back what I had written in one of my previous posts- Of Crushes and Intezaars:

There are really really smart guys still alive!!! And they are single!!!! And they will go out on a date!!! Only glitch here is.... They wont with me!

Damn! I don't take back my words after all! :P