Singapoora! :)

My school friends will immediately recognize this title as it has been a cheezy, tacky song sung by them ever since they got aquainted with a Merlion (which sings this stupid song)

The Merlion is the symbol (or ambassador) of Singapore- the small obscure fishing village turned Visitors paradise!! (except for singing Merlion imitations, of course!).

Right from the airport till the entire land of just 710 sq.kms, this country and its facilities makes you feel like royalty!

When I came to know I was to have a 10 hour halt in Singapore, before the connecting flight to San Fransisco, I was aghast to say the least. What will you do... for 10 whole hours, alone, in a foreign land?? Apparantly, loads!!

The airport is one of the biggest and even a complete day of touring will not do justice to it. And the facilities provided are just brilliant.

There are FREE internet kiosks everywhere, and even though you can use it only 15 mins at a time, it is completely worth it (you can keep re-logging in). Then, there is FREE gaming zone (video gamers' and children's heaven- there are PS3s and LAN games), FREE music lounge (the seats have in-built speakers- my friend Sandy would've gone completely insane!), and FREE movie theatre (where Star Movies' films run without advertisement interruptions)....

Btw...Did I mention these were FREE!!!!

To top all this, there is FREE tour of the city for 2 hours provided for by the tourism. You can go for this even without a singapore VISA or a permit!!

I went for the colonial tour which was about the history of this young nation. They took us to downtown singapore where all the office buildings were located. Not one of those buildings were less than 30 floors!!! All kind of architecture was seen! With the modern skyline and bridges with an ancient feel, the whole area was gorgeous. (It was a different story altogether that I saw all these half dazed due to lack of sleep in the flight! :D)

How 10 hours passed, I couldnt even realise! And before I knew it, I was on the connecting flight to San Fransisco, where another shock awaited me!!!

Slowly and Steadily- on to America

Its 9th August today, 4 days of American Life,

But with my Kumar mama snoring away to glory near by and Mallika mami cooking dal and rice, things seems exactly how they would have been on a lazy Sunday afternoon in India.

So in all real terms my journey 'alone' into this 'scary country' hasnt begun yet.

But I like this gradual progression- going to a home away from home, getting adjusted (after days of tummy crying becoz of change of food type), and then shifting to a place of my own!

The feeling that maybe everyone experiences on leaving home hasnt hit me hard yet, but then again maybe I'm one of those pampered few :)

The day I left, while I was walking out of my house to the airport, it struck me that I wont be walking out of my own house doors again in atleast a year! Thats when tears kissed my eyes.

But then like J put it so beautifully, a part of me will always remain there with my closest ones; just like a part of them will always be attached to me on this amazing adventure. And this thought immediately made me smile and set me into this task of beginning the adventure for all of us!

And its been 4 days in to the journey, and I am liking it :)

Beautiful read

These are two most wonderful posts I've read in a long time. Extremely to the point and extremely realistic. There is a lot of revelation in these very simple words. And more than anything, there is hope!

http://lettersforall.blogspot.com/2009/06/if-i-knew-then-what-i-know-now-3.html

http://lettersforall.blogspot.com/2009/06/if-i-knew-then-what-i-know-now-1.html

Clueless

For the past few days.. naah... a few weeks.... ok ok.. to be honest.. a few months... I have been wondering.... about life, relationships and happiness... and the revelation has been disappointing.

Life is not fair

Relationships never last.

Happiness is very temporary.

Life can dole out the worst shit to you and not even feel remorse.

Relationships of any kind come with an expiry date.

Happiness a is feeling granted just to fill in the gaps of eternal sorrow.

The last person who would have been writing these very words a year back would have been me. According to people who have known me, I was optimism personified; guess who's wrong now!

I have been given quite a bit of bitterness in the past months. But that comes after many many years of goodness laid on my platter. And I don't know which is real. What I've had for so many years or what seems justified and very much a part of present world; appropriate to the way everyone potrays people. And I have no clue as to whether there is afterall a middle path.

For sometime now I have toyed with the idea of shunning all dependency. Dependency on friends, on a partner, on anyone. Parents come in a different league altogether so they are out of the equation.

The reason I've wanted to do that is because all I have seen in the past few months is unstability. Any problem arises and I see myself losing another person in my life to the easier way out. And I dont want to stuggle anymore to keep any relationships alive either. I have lost belief in any relationship lasting through tough times. So it seems so much better not to be dependent on something that is never going to last.

The reason I have avoided doing that till now is 1) I was scared whether I could deal with all life's shit alone and 2) It was my utmost belief that humans are, by nature, dependent on one another and that is in no way a wrong gesture. Infact the act of sharing was healthy according to me. It lifted everyone out of abyss.

But at the end of the day I realised one thing.... you are alone! You are all ALONE. You either deal with the fact and act accordingly or keep getting disappointed because of expectation.

I always thought; heck believed, I would never be alone. I thought there will be my trusted confidantes always- even through my troubled times with them; but recent events have brought me to doubt it majorly.

Sure there are a lot of people who can provide solutions to certain problems at different points of time. And there are really nice people.

But when it emotional turmoils- to pull out a person from sorrow, there is no one; only you who has to get a grip. And this comes not from my experiences alone but from the fact that even I wasn't emotionally available to someone who needed me. So there is no truth in having people who will lift you out, not with materialistic solutions but with compassion and love. Having blind trust on someone who will never let go or betray is fairy tale.

The fact is that people, at the end of the day, are afraid of emotions- both their own and others'. And they find it best to feign ignorance in such a scenario. To stop believing such emotions exist is the easiest solution.

The problem arises when you are in touch with your feelings. Then comes the conflicting ideas. The whole world believes something to be non-existent, and even though you know very well it is present for you, you start doubting yourself. And for the want of being understood, you categorise such intense complex feelings into predetermined slots assigned by the world, while your inner belief and conscience is kept muffled.

And at the end of the day end up feeling desperate to convey your choked up emotions to someone who would understand. Not agree, not support, not even console. But just plain understand that such things exist!

And when that is not provided for, you feel dependent on people for the support that you will never get. Then comes the feeling of being clingy followed by the feeling of wanting someone to say what you are feeling is infact ok, not right, not wrong, not insane, just ok. Then comes the lack of self belief in your thoughts and lack of belief in your judgement of a situation. Then comes the eternal confusion of what you feel is right and wrong, what you believe in and what you don't.

The rambling on the post itself confirms my very confused state of mind. I wouldnt mind answers to the numerous questions I am posing. Because even the assertive statements are, in fact, questions. Questions which have become beliefs for the want of answers to prove them otherwise.

Yet maybe, it is just my present state of mind that is making me doubt the eternal goodness I've always believed in. And given time, I will be back to my trusting, believing, happily sharing self again (There comes my optimism- maybe all's not lost). I don't know. What I do know is I would love to have someone to talk to about this. Someone who can instill profoundity in this stupidity.

Moist eyes!

I never believed in tears of happiness until today. I never knew some emotions can be so overwhelming that it can bring a flood of tears to my eyes.

But sometimes, when you have completely given up on something, and it comes true, and it means the world to you, the gates just open as if a huuuge weight has been lifted off your shoulders.

It can be when you finally get the offer you have been waiting for or It can even be something as small as someone talking to you the same way they always used to talk. And when you hear the same words of endearment after a long period, it just beings back all the love... and then there is no stopping the emotions.

It brings back hope.. It brings back belief and it brings back the smile!

Rajni Master!

Got this forward from sree... Many might have read it.. but it is hilarious and I couldnt resist putting it up on the site!!! :D

You want to know who is Rajanikanth....here are the facts

Rajanikanth makes onions cry

Rajanikanth can delete the Recycle Bin.

Ghosts are actually caused by Rajanikanth killing people faster than
Death can process them.

Rajanikanth can build a snowman..... out of rain.

Rajanikanth can strangle you with a cordless phone.

Rajanikanth can drown a fish.
When Rajanikanth enters a room, he doesn't turn the lights
on,......... .... he turns the dark off.

When Rajanikanth looks in a mirror the mirror shatters, because not
even glass is stupid enough to get in between Rajanikanth and
Rajanikanth.

Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards.

Rajanikanth can throw Brett Favre even further.

The last digit of pi is Rajanikanth. He is the end of all things.

Rajanikanth does not know where you live, but he knows where you will die.

Bullets dodge Rajanikanth.

A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for
handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot
belongs to Rajanikanth and that you will be handicapped if you park
there.

Rajanikanth' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd, no
one fools Rajanikanth.

If you spell Rajanikanth wrong on Google it doesn't say, "Did you mean
Rajanikanth?" It simply replies, "Run while you still have the
chance."

Rajanikanth can do a wheelie on a unicycle.

Once a cobra bit Rajanikanth' leg. After five days of excruciating
pain, the cobra died.

When Rajanikanth gives you the finger, he's telling you how many
seconds you have left to live.

Rajanikanth can kill two stones with one bird.

Rajanikanth was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first
to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone
standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.

Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs.
Rajanikanth can kill 100 percent of whatever he wants.

There is no such thing as global warming. Rajanikanth was cold, so he
turned the sun up.

Rajanikanth can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

Rajanikanth has a deep and abiding respect for human life... unless it
gets in his way.

It takes Rajanikanth 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.

Rajanikanth once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by
yelling, "Bang!"

In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Rajanikanth could
use to kill you, including the room itself.

Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man,
there is Rajanikanth.

Rajanikanth destroyed the periodic table, because Rajanikanth only
recognizes the element of surprise.

Rajanikanth got his drivers license at the age of 16 Seconds.

With the rising cost of gasoline, Rajanikanth is beginning to worry
about his drinking habit.

The square root of Rajanikanth is pain. Do not try to square
Rajanikanth, the result is death.

When you say "no one's perfect", Rajanikanth takes this as a personal insult.

Musings

This post should have been dated one year ago or seven months ago or whatever time Dasvidaniya released. But contrary to so many bad movies I catch, this was one beauty that I missed.

 

I finally got to see the movie today because of Sree’s negligence to bring Luck By Chance. And I can’t thank him enough for having the patience to see this movie the second time. Not that it must have been a task! I would gladly see this again; only at the risk of my company experiencing muffled sniffles of mine.

 

This is one hell of a movie. Each actor is so natural that you never feel the lack of brilliance. And the story line is touching to say the least. It is less of a story than a journey of a man wanting to live life before he dies. Yes you have heard this before, seen this before in many other movies but the man named Vinay Pathak makes sure this experience is unforgettable.

 

The best part as sree said, is that they don’t show the protagonist dying. No KHNH type teary eyed, horribly speaking, gay Shahrukh melodrama. But the way they have picturised everything makes sure genuine tears do brim up.

 

After spending quite some alone time after the movie, I got thinking about my list of ten things to do before I die. And I am lost in post right now.

 

I don’t know what all I want to do. I don’t know even whether I want to do anything in particular. And I don’t know whether it is good or bad… Is it that I have enjoyed and lived every moment of life and am so happy and content with my life that I don’t have any regrets? Or that I just am not able to go beyond my current world and look into the world of possibilities.

 

I want to come up with 10 things… that’s for sure…. even if it just contains thank you notes to the people who have loved me… but .. I have already done that in the last post… But then again…. Can one ever thank these loving people enough??

 

However, this is one promise to myself.. to publish a post of 10 things I want to do before I die. Well, maybe writing it could be one of those 10 things :)