Sweet texts; bitter bills!

The problem with always thinking in the present tense is you never realise when it will come and bite you in the future!

Courtesy- My mobile bill for texting!

December times....

My first experience of a december- the most happening month every year for me when I was in India and of a New Year's celebrations- away from home, from family, from people I have been with for as long as my memory can take me....

Things that I missed out on:

1) Being with mom, dad and arvind at the stroke of 12. Dad has this quirk of wanting the family to be the first ones to wish each other at 12.00 a.m. So whether or not we had other plans, we had to stay back in the colony at 12.00. For quite some years I used to hate the fact that I could join my friends for celebrations only after 12.00. But with years passing and maturity dawning, I began to treasure this experience! Nothing can be more rewarding than to know on the first day of the year that you are very loved.

So this year, being in the US, and in different time zones, I truly missed being there.

2) Spending sleepless 31st nights with the closest set of friends I had. I have been with them since school days and for the past 8 years or more, we have welcomed January first, half hung over! :D I missed doing that this year with them. I saw their celebrations in photos on fb. They seemed to have had insane amounts of fun, and even though my insignificant presence wouldn't have been missed, with all the other beings there, I still felt the pinch of being miles away.

3) The colony celebrations- like I mentioned before, I had to stay in my colony until 12.00 a.m. and so I began to look forward to having an awesome time there! And by an awesome time, it meant putting up a whole show for everyone. Right from deciding what sort of entertainment, to sitting for nights before the 31st planning and spending long hours practicing to finally executing it on the 31st, my December days and nights were booked! For 3 years now, we put up 2 dance and a dance cum ramp walk. It was amazing and the bonding during the practice times can never be achieved elsewhere! This year too, I heard they put up a dance show.... and I missed being a part of that so much more than I was missed by them!!! It would have been the best december nights had I been in India...

4) The games organized by the colony folks- I used to love the fact that there was always some activity or the other planned for every weekend in december- right from dum C to the ever awaited treasure hunt! And being in tucson, these weekend masti's and the enthusiasm that goes along with it were sorely missed!!

Things that I gained instead :)

1) The whirlwind (or freefall ;)) that december was... With the semester being so busy, no one really found time to just hang out. But with the winter break, I enjoyed hanging out with a lot of people I've come to know here (some more special than the rest :)). Found out that I havent actually crossed that age of making friends than mere acquaintances, friends, who I am hoping are going to last for a long long time!

2) Power to kill - Some kind soul at the DMV gave me a driver's license :) I took the Instructor's permit after clearing the written test with a centum and then rented out a car and practiced thru the night (literally- went to the DMV at 3.30 to try out parallel parking and then was driven to Campbell point- one of the most captivating places in tucson at 5.00 am!). Then went to the dirver's test the next day to finally obtain the elusive (for the other two who tried with me) driver's license!

3) Living the graduate life- going to lab at odd hours to finish lab work (not that I had much; but I wanted to leave as much time as possible for doing random nothingness! :)) In my last working week, I have gone to lab at 12.00 midnight as well as 5.00 a.m! And the delusion that I've been working hard has left me satisfied! :)

3) My first ever road trip- A full 14 hours one way from Arizona to Tahoe to SFO.... after being the proud owner of an american license, I thought I would be one of the steers of the chevy, but these guys and the fear for their life, did not allow me anywhere near the steering wheel. Nevertheless, it was an excellent road trip.. got to interact a lot with the ppl there and enjoyed myself to the hilt... afterall road trips are made of random conversations alone!

4) Skiing!!!! - I skied for the first time in my life; heck I saw snow for the first time in my life!!! And how! A whole snow covered mountain!!! And skied on it! :) At the risk of sounding a little non- modest, I was awesome!! :D I skied like a natural.. didnt fall off even once... the instructor was proud of me :) Can't wait for another skiing expedition now.

5) First semester- Finished my first semester away from Indian education system with flair :) And enjoyed every bit of it....

6) Went to a gothic pub (and by that i mean a dark sadist fearful place- with skulls and gory posters being commonplace) on the 31st evening for a while- the most scary experience if u enter in unexpectedly.. but I had one of the most memorable times there :)

7) Celebrated the beginning of the year American ishtyle :) Inside a crowded pub, with ppl I intend to hang on to for a long while now!

Overall, life here has not been so bad! :) And its only going to get better!

New Year!!!!!

I strongly believe that what u do on the first day of the year sets the trend for the whole year to come....

And going by this belief of mine, this is going to be a wonderful year beyond dreams! :)

Right from California time 12.00, smiles have not left my face...

Loads to write about about and for the new year; but the first day has zipped past without me having a minute free...

However, I just had to maintain a memory (a good habit recently borrowed from someone) of the 1st of Jan 2010

And hence this hurried blog post :)

Also, not having a spare minute for idle thoughts also is perfect for me! No time to spend on useless worries!!!

I'm sure I'm going to have an awesomely busy, happy and joy and love filled 2010....

And I wish the same and even more for all of you!

As usual.. let each day be filled with love, laughter and life! :)

Insomnia, I guess!

Though pressed for time, just wanted to let this day go down in history as a beautiful day :)

You never know how, when, what, where! All you can do is to enjoy as it unravels!

Where are those rose-tinted glasses!

It is that time of the month again... before ur thoughts go wonga, let me clarify. It is that time of the month again when I am having an exam the next day. So it is not surprising that instead of studying, I am mindlessly blogging.

Why is it only before an exam, an important one, that the most profound realisations strike me and I am left with this intense urge to blabber everything out to my only constant companion- my blog!

And this post is about the very same thought- that my only constant companion has been and from the looks of it, will be, for quite some time now, my blog.

Maybe the reason this post took such a long time to come up with since the actual time of the jolting event was because I couldn't muster up the courage to accept things the way they are. And like almost everyone else, I ended up hoping against hope that if I live in denial, things will change.

A recent development in my friends' lives caught me by surprise. Not the development itself (because the happening of this very advancement has been wished and prayed for and flirted with for eternity), but how I was rudely sheltered out of the information. I have known these people for (as my new prof. puts it) donkey's years! I have grown up with them and shared every little embarassing detail with them. And its been a two way street throughout, with me spending sleepless nights listening to that end of the mindnumbing stories.

And for a long time, life was about mutual acceptance of each others' bullshit until, and I am thoroughly ashamed to admit it, my breakup with my ex ruffled a lot of feathers. My lack of judgement on most part and misundertanding by my friends for the other, strained these precious relationships of mine. But the eternal optimist in me, thought, heck-believed, things are going to get back to the same with my friends and that it is just a matter of time and wound healing. But I guess once a pot is cracked, no matter how much you repair it, the mark always remains and the water always leaks. ( My attempt to be philosophical makes me sound like a bitter, unsuccessful potter instead!)

Anyhow, moving away from the potter's wheel, and getting back to the story, the fact that such a happy happening in my friends' lives was kept away from me has entrenched into me that I have been gracefully asked to move on. And it has taken me a whole week filled with aimless staring, outburts to mom, living in denial and innumerable random romcoms to come to terms with this fact.

This post, though still stirs up cranky demons, thankfully does not flag hopes nor optimism and safely leads me away from that line of thought. And after just a week, and with a whole 12 hours before my exam, I am finally being able shake it off, move on and get my fingers make coherent words. All these, finally with a realisation and complete acceptance of the current scenario in my life.

And that awakening and humbled acknowledgement being:

I am here, in a land far away from home, having way too many aquaintences to count and having my blog as my only friend. But at the same time, having a family to die for, having amazing learning opprtunities and having self realisation potential. And I guess this solitude is much needed for both experiencing the joy that learning brings; and finding myself for who I truly am and creating my own niche in this world.

And maybe I am beginning to see a silhouette.

Through rose tinted glasses

Listening to Sax on youtube, my heart wells up with emotion. It is such a gorgeous day outside. The weather is perfect. The cloud cover is just right. The temperature is the most comfortable. And this makes me think- how only the Almighty can achieve such perfection!

It amazes me how the most basic things like experiencing the climate, sitting underneath trees, taking a walk on moist grass can make joy bubble inside. You have a involuntary smile plastered on your face. You can't help but be happy in such a mirth filled cocoon.

To add to this perfection would be to be able to share this with the one you love the most! To be able to hold hands and walk would, for me, be the most fulfilling experiences. Call me a mindless romantic, but being that is so much better than not being able to enjoy these pleasures life offers!

While watching a movie yesterday, there was one line in that which said "When you find the right one, you hands will just Fit". Maybe I want a hand that fits....

Whispering wishes

Sitting in a crowd, alone with my thoughts,

I wonder about the time when beauty was not lost.

When there flowed beautiful rivers and streams,

When the smoke grays were flowery mauve and greens.

Sitting in a crowd, alone with my thoughts,

I wonder about the times when happiness was not lost.

When there were children all around, well and agile,

When going by the beach would’ve been enough for a smile.

Sitting in a crowd, alone with my thoughts,

I wonder about the times when honesty was not lost

When stealing and lying was just fantasy,

When justice was not a scorned on ecstasy.

Sitting in a crowd, alone with my thoughts

I wonder about the times when love was not lost

When everyone shared and hugged and respect gleamed,

When peace was not just another dream.