Where are those rose-tinted glasses!

It is that time of the month again... before ur thoughts go wonga, let me clarify. It is that time of the month again when I am having an exam the next day. So it is not surprising that instead of studying, I am mindlessly blogging.

Why is it only before an exam, an important one, that the most profound realisations strike me and I am left with this intense urge to blabber everything out to my only constant companion- my blog!

And this post is about the very same thought- that my only constant companion has been and from the looks of it, will be, for quite some time now, my blog.

Maybe the reason this post took such a long time to come up with since the actual time of the jolting event was because I couldn't muster up the courage to accept things the way they are. And like almost everyone else, I ended up hoping against hope that if I live in denial, things will change.

A recent development in my friends' lives caught me by surprise. Not the development itself (because the happening of this very advancement has been wished and prayed for and flirted with for eternity), but how I was rudely sheltered out of the information. I have known these people for (as my new prof. puts it) donkey's years! I have grown up with them and shared every little embarassing detail with them. And its been a two way street throughout, with me spending sleepless nights listening to that end of the mindnumbing stories.

And for a long time, life was about mutual acceptance of each others' bullshit until, and I am thoroughly ashamed to admit it, my breakup with my ex ruffled a lot of feathers. My lack of judgement on most part and misundertanding by my friends for the other, strained these precious relationships of mine. But the eternal optimist in me, thought, heck-believed, things are going to get back to the same with my friends and that it is just a matter of time and wound healing. But I guess once a pot is cracked, no matter how much you repair it, the mark always remains and the water always leaks. ( My attempt to be philosophical makes me sound like a bitter, unsuccessful potter instead!)

Anyhow, moving away from the potter's wheel, and getting back to the story, the fact that such a happy happening in my friends' lives was kept away from me has entrenched into me that I have been gracefully asked to move on. And it has taken me a whole week filled with aimless staring, outburts to mom, living in denial and innumerable random romcoms to come to terms with this fact.

This post, though still stirs up cranky demons, thankfully does not flag hopes nor optimism and safely leads me away from that line of thought. And after just a week, and with a whole 12 hours before my exam, I am finally being able shake it off, move on and get my fingers make coherent words. All these, finally with a realisation and complete acceptance of the current scenario in my life.

And that awakening and humbled acknowledgement being:

I am here, in a land far away from home, having way too many aquaintences to count and having my blog as my only friend. But at the same time, having a family to die for, having amazing learning opprtunities and having self realisation potential. And I guess this solitude is much needed for both experiencing the joy that learning brings; and finding myself for who I truly am and creating my own niche in this world.

And maybe I am beginning to see a silhouette.