Pre-exam bull***t

I post as Kaleidoscope and I realized I haven't really lived up to the name. I don't post on diverse topics and the different colours of life. I haven't written about Obama winning the Nobel, or about the newest film. But then, I post only when something inspires me enough to ramble about it. And maybe nothing has impressed me lately- not even the Nobel decision. I didnt care either way somehow. I should! Wow this is too much apathy! And I will change that. But maybe from the next post!

Anyhow- getting back to me point-Small things over here make me smile and other small things make me cringe... but then.. nothing has yet made me sit up and take notice (ok ok - I can't honestly say 'nothing' ;); one has certainly impressed me enough to want to write; but more about that in another post; when control over my social sensibility has gone for a toss).

And nothing seems to be making me wake up from this unending day dream. For me life here seems like a surreal experience. I get this psychedelic feeling that this is not me but someone else living my life here.

Everyone warned me so many times before coming here that I was going to be home sick and I was going to cry for days on end; I haven't got myself to resign to that fact that its been two months and I haven't felt like crying. I haven't really felt homesick. I have accepted this new life style readily. I come to my apartment and I feel a sense of belonging- like I was almost meant to be there. I wonder if I have really acknowledged this place and the how different it is from home. Because according to everyone's words, the moment that realization would have hit me, I would have been inconsolable. And I am not!

And so I end up feeling day after day the constant pressure that the realization of this not being 'home' would dawn on me. Its like sitting on a time bomb waiting to go boom. It feels weird and it feels weirder to write all this and still not arouse that feeling of 'Oh! Where have I ended up'. But its not bad not to feel that way as long as life remains the same - filled with laughter.

I have noticed one little thing though- I write so much on a blank screen only a day before my exam. And I keep pushing away my books to feed the need for writing mindless rubbish! So, like usual, I shall dismiss these words as psycho babble arising out of nothing but pure inertia of not wanting to study!